Two questions that often get asked in custody cases are what weight does the child’s preference have in a custody case, and how can I demonstrate to the judge that I have been the primary care provider.
The preference of your child is only one of the many factors a judge may consider in determining a parenting time schedule. The age of your child and his or her ability to express the underlying reason for their preference to live with either parent will determine the amount of weight the judge will give to your child’s preference. Although there is no age at which your child’s preference determines parenting time, most judges give more weight to the wishes of an older child such as a child who is 16 or 17.
The reasoning underlying your child’s preference is also a factor to consider. Consider the fifteen-year-old who wants to live with mother because “Mom lets me stay out past curfew, I get a bigger allowance, and I don’t have to do chores.” Greater weight might be given to the preference of an eight-year-old who wants to live with mother because “she helps me with my homework, reads me bedtime stories, and doesn’t call me names like Dad does.”
If you see that your child’s preference may be a factor in the determination of parenting time, discuss it with your lawyer so that this consideration is a part of assessing the action to be taken in your case.
For purposes of establishing that you were the primary care provider, one tool to assist you and your attorney in establishing your case is a chart indicating the care you and your spouse have each provided for your child. The clearer you are about the history of parenting, the better job your attorney can do in presenting your case to the judge.
Look at the activities in the chart below to help you review the role of you and your spouse as care providers for your child.
Parental Roles Chart
| Activity |
Mother |
Father |
| Attended prenatal medical visits |
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| Attended prenatal class |
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| Took time off work after child born |
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| Got up with child for feedings |
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| Got up with child when sick at night |
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| Bathed child |
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| Put child to sleep |
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| Potty-trained child |
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| Prepared and fed meals to child |
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| Helped child learn numbers, letters, colors, etc. |
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| Helped child with practice for music, dance lessons, sports |
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| Took time off work for child’s appointments |
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| Stayed home from work with sick child |
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| Took child to doctor visits |
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| Went to pharmacy for child’s medication |
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| Administered child’s medication |
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| Took child to therapy |
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| Took child to optometrist |
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| Took child to dentist |
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| Took child to get haircuts |
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| Bought clothing for child |
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| Bought school supplies for child |
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| Transported child to school |
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| Picked child up after school |
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| Drove car pool for child’s school |
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| Went to child’s school activities |
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| Helped child with homework and projects |
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| Attended parent-teacher conferences |
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| Helped in child’s classroom |
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| Chaperoned child’s school trips and activities |
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| Transported child to daycare |
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| Communicated with daycare providers |
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| Transported child from daycare |
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| Attended daycare activities |
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| Signed child up for sports, dance, music |
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| Bought equipment for sports, music, dance |
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| Transported child to sports, music, dance |
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| Attended sports, music, dance practices |
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| Attended sports games, music, dance recitals |
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| Coached child’s sports |
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| Transported child from sports, music, dance |
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| Know child’s friends and friends’ families |
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| Took child to religious education |
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| Participated in child’s religious education |
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| Obtained information and training about special needs of child |
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| Comforted child during times of emotional upset |
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Showing that you were the primary caretaker is just one factor the court considers. Even if your spouse was not a very involved parent prior to the divorce, this generally is not the sole factor the court will consider. Most judges will assume that even an uninvolved parent prior to the divorce will assume a more active role with the children after the divorce. However, utilizing the chart above will help the Court understand the roles of each parent prior to the dissolution action.
