Dating apps are the most popular place to find people to date.[1] As a divorce attorney, I hear many anecdotes from clients or former clients who met their new partner on a dating app. However, there are a few considerations people getting divorced should keep in mind when deciding whether to get on the apps:
Timing is Everything
While it may be tempting to start online dating immediately after filing for divorce, try to resist this urge. This is especially true if you and your spouse are still living in the same home. You may think you are being discreet, but your spouse will likely notice the increased time you’re spending on your phone and/or subtle differences in your behavior. This may cause him or her to feel hurt, jealous, or resentful. Try to keep the peace by at least waiting to download the apps until one of you moves out.
Dating Apps Leave a Paper Trail
Gone are the days of free dating apps. Today, most apps have paid features designed to help subscribers use the app more effectively (e.g., to “boost” their profile to get more views). Like subscriptions to Netflix or Spotify, charges for these features show up on your credit card statement, usually with descriptors clearly identifying what they are. Your spouse will likely see these credit card statements in the exchange of financial documents that takes place during the divorce. Don’t pay for these extra features unless you are okay with your spouse learning that you are on a dating app.
Your Profile is Not Private
What happens on a dating app does not always stay on a dating app. If people in your social circle use the apps, they may come across your profile and take a screenshot to send your spouse. Even though your dating life generally has no bearing on your divorce proceeding in Washington,[2] your spouse will likely still send the screenshot to his or her divorce attorney (as well as people in his or her support system).
Consider the Privacy of Your New Partner
If your divorce is contentious, consider to what extent you want your new partner exposed to the conflict. In the age of social media, personal details are easily discoverable, and your spouse may take it up on themself to learn more about the person you are dating. Be discreet and do not share information about your new partner with your spouse unless you have minor children who you intend to introduce to your new partner. If in doubt, consult with your attorney.
[1] https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/
[2] Washington is a “no-fault” divorce state, meaning that the court will not consider which spouse “caused” the divorce when dividing property.
