In this issue: Arbitration Report; Beltway Report; Operations Report; Mortgage Report; Privacy Report; and Preemption Report.

Weird things happened this quarter that read like plot devices that couldn’t get past the censors of good taste for Jackass 3D. But being the optimists we are, let’s do happy and focus on the bad things that could have happened, but didn’t.

The End of Days didn’t happen on May 21. Like everyone else, God appears to be overscheduled and can’t get around to destroying us until his docket clears in October. We’ll have to take a number, like at the DMV. Donald Trump is not running for president, which will disappoint those who had hoped he would replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” with “We Shall Overcomb.” And we didn’t win the competition for the new voice of the Aflac duck either, despite many who believed us to be overqualified.