Hi there,

On a gorgeous day like today, you just want to sit outside and sip on a tall glass of lemonade. Recently though, the taste of lemonade has been made a little sharp by the fabulous Beyoncé. Infidelity became a hot topic with her recent release of Lemonade, a scathing, seemingly confessional visual album. As strident a response to infidelity as it was, she has also shone a light on the number of marriages that do survive unfaithfulness.

I used to think that cheating, when discovered, would always inevitably lead to divorce. Reality is quite different. Many marriages that experience infidelity work through it. I don’t think there can be any healthy rebuilding of a marriage after such a discovery without good, professional help. Good marriage counselors are hard to find. If you agree to go to one,  be sure that both of you feel comfortable with that counselor. Some couples may have to try one or two before they find someone they click with. The best ways to find a good marriage counselor are by word of mouth or your primary care doctor. Always check them out online too.

As hurt and angry as you may be when you learn of infidelity, take a step back and consult a lawyer before you make any decisions. They’ll explain your rights, and let you know if there are reasons to file immediately. For instance, the time frame for paying alimony is tied to the service of the divorce summons. It sounds crazy for a divorce lawyer to say this, but it’s better not to rush into divorce if you can. Its not uncommon for someone to be blindsided by the discovery that their spouse is cheating, file quickly and then slow down and do some counseling. In some cases, surprisingly that can work too.

No two unhappy families are alike (to paraphrase Tolstoy). In the end, everyone needs to do what works best for them and their family.

Best,
Nancy