Hi there,

I love it when the holidays are over and the days start getting visibly longer. Among other things, there is an influx of new clients with new cases and new problems to solve.

One thing seems to hold consistently true, however. Everybody going through a divorce believes their soon-to-be-ex is a narcissist. To some degree, every human being exhibits narcissistic tendencies sometimes. True narcissists lack empathy for others, can be quick to anger and focus only on their own desires. It naturally follows that folks with destructive narcissistic qualities are often candidates for divorce. So, we see a lot of them.

A true narcissist is a misery during the marriage and beyond difficult when you are divorcing him or her.

One of the first things these folks do when faced with a divorce is to try and play the victim. They will victimize themselves by describing everything you did or are doing evil, wrong and cruel to them. The reality is the opposite. They will suck in the kids, your families, friends, the neighbors, their lawyer and they will try to suck in your lawyer and the court too.

You need to prepare as carefully as you can. It is often helpful to get the kids into therapy with someone good before you are entangled in the legal process. The therapist will help them see the situation more neutrally, as opposed to one side or the other. If you wait too long, a simple task like getting the kids help will provide the narcissist with opportunities to be difficult. As a result, the kids may be caught between you two and suffer as a result. Also make sure your soon-to-be-ex cannot manipulate you financially as well by obtaining at least the basic financial information as soon as possible.

Best,
Nancy