Considering whether to come out
The fact Elaine consulted her mentor about coming out shows it was something she had to weigh up carefully. Nikki faced the same decision at the beginning of her career in 2010, and she chose not to come out, preferring to start her first job with a “blank slate”.
“When I was a junior lawyer, I was hyper sensitive about how I would be perceived by others,” she says. “I had heard some poor taste jokes and negative comments aimed at lesbians and other LGBTQ+ people over the years, and so I was, perhaps unnecessarily, fearful of how people would react to my sexuality and how it would impact my relationships.”
Nikki is also mindful that some lesbians might perceive coming out as an extra burden on their ability to progress. “Women already face challenges as they move up the career ladder – we are generally under represented in the senior ranks of many law firms. It’s understandable that many think that coming out would mean adding another layer of “other” and potentially another hurdle to you achieving your career goals.”
There are other factors to consider at work too. For example, same-sex relationships aren’t legal in every country the firm operates in or widely accepted amongst some religions.
Positive workplace experiences
Having made the difficult decision to come out at work, it’s reassuring then to hear that both Elaine’s and Nikki’s experiences have been positive and worthwhile.
“I had a few negative reactions back in the 1990s and lost the odd colleague relationship, but overall the response has been positive,” says Elaine.
“I suspect in the early days a few of my male partner colleagues welcomed the fact I was a lesbian, because they assumed – wrongly – that I wouldn’t have children and take time out on maternity leave. There’s more understanding of the issues facing the lesbian community amongst colleagues now, and I’m no longer on my own – today in the U.S., 14% of our partners are openly gay.”
Nikki agrees. She made the leap to divulge her sexuality when she was an associate at another law firm and wishes she had done it sooner. “When I came out, I realised that my fear of being ostracised was misplaced. My colleagues not only accepted me for who I am; some were actually sad that I hadn’t felt able to tell them earlier,” she says.
Building awareness
Working in an environment where we can feel comfortable and confident being ourselves is at the heart of our diversity and inclusion ambitions at A&O. We all want to be respected and supported – no matter what our differences – and it’s down to all of us to build the awareness to make that happen.
Elaine and Nikki explain the difference it makes being able to bring your authentic self to work.
“One of the reasons I came out was because I would much rather people know I’m gay than think I don’t have a life,” says Elaine. “If you aren’t open about your sexuality it’s hard to talk about your life outside work. You can’t have photos up of your loved ones, discuss your family or talk about your holidays. These are simple things, which straight people may take for granted. Imagine the strain of trying to avoid those topics at work, day in and day out.”
Nikki echoes this sentiment: “We spend a large amount of time with our colleagues and they become like family to us. It’s a shame to hide a side of ourselves from them.
“Furthermore, we need that diversity at A&O,” she says. “We need the diversity of thought that different backgrounds and life experiences can bring and we’ll all benefit from a happier and more open working environment.”
